JillVAH!
by Vera Amber
Summary: My entry for the Kill Mary Sue! Contest. Basically, Max turns into an abyss of certain destruction whens she thinks Fang's almost-nearly making out with -cue theme song- JillVAH!. Rated T because of language. Oneshot.


**Yes, I'm doing a contest! The Kill Mary Sue! Contest. Heh. I found it, and it looked fun, so...**

**Here's the "recap" of the rules:**

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**More than 500 words or more about a Mary-Sue OC. Three categories: Best Comedy, Best Over-Dramatization, and Most Creative Death. If you choose to use three or more of the words lilac, awesomilistic, psychedelic, Jupiter, and craptastic, and three or more of the phrases 'Mystery Machine', 'blue moon', and 'abyss of certain destruction', you will be entered in the Best Super-Special Story bonus category. The phrases "Must go to Candy Mountain" and "Wonderful World of Wonder and Might" must be contained in dialogue. You may submit up to three different entries, have up to six Mary-Sue OCs, two other OCs with dialogue, and must include the Flock. And all of your Mary-Sues must die at some point.**

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**So, yeah. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride, Candy Mountain, the Mystery Machine, Jupiter, Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber, American Idol, or Lady Gaga. However, I do own JillVAH!.**

Once upon a time....

There was a girl named Janessa Lilyanya Vanessa Ayala.

She went by "JillVAH!".

One day, JillVAH! was walking down the sidewalk. Muttering something about how she "Must go to Candy Mountain," since JillVAH!'s ultimate goal in life was to visit Candy Mountain, JillVAH! suddenly ran into – guess who? - Max.

Yes, that Max. The ultimate, awesomilistic, occasionally craptastic, Maximum Ride.

"ACK!" Max squeaked at she fell down, somehow ending up stuck in a lilac bush.

"Ooh!" JillVAH! said, completely ignoring Max. She pointed at a van. "Does that look JUST like the Mystery Machine! Except it has a weird blue moon-shaped thing on the side..."

"Hey, bitch." Max said, glaring at JillVAH!. "You knocked me down and you ain't gonna apologize? What the craptastic?"

JillVAH! blinked and stared at Max. "Whoa. Dude. When'd you get there? You weren't there two seconds ago... ZOMG, did you appear in pink, lilac, sparkly, psychedelic portal from the Wonderful World of Wonder and Might?"

Max stared. "Um, yeah, I'mma skedaddle now...bye freaky chick who would fit in on Jupiter..." Max ran off, but, of course, JillVAH! chased after her.

"WAAAAAIIIIIIT!" JillVAH! cried, chasing after Max. "You can't go yet! I haven't told you about my horrible, craptastic past! And about how my favorite color of _all time_ is psychedelic pink!"

Max literally skidded to a stop. She actually left skid marks. JillVAH! slammed into her, knocking her down on the sidewalk yet again.

"Whoa, did you just say psychedelic pink?" Max demanded.

JillVAH! nodded vigorously. "It's my fave fave fave fave FAVE color of ALL TIME!"

Max gaped. "I _hate_ psychedelic pink. HATE IT. Almost more than I hate lilac, in fact!"

JillVAH! stared at her in shock. "But...but...no...! You can't NOT like psychedelic pink! It's like you can't not like Rob Pattinson and Justin Bieber!"

Max stared some more. "EWWWWWW. I HATE ROB PATTINSON AND JUSTIN BIEBER WITH THE FIERY PASSION OF AN ANGERED MANGO!"

After announcing that to the world, Max ran off again.

JillVAH! sobbed. "Why does no one like me? WHY? Is it because I'm so awesomilistic, am incredibly beautiful, and have won American Idol four times?"

Suddenly, a big black ball of feathers – AKA Fang – fell out of the sky.

"OHEMGEEEEEEE!" JillVAH! squealed, sounding so much like Nudge it was just plain scary. "Are you Fang? OMG, I WUVVLES FANG!" JillVAH! squealed again and huggled Fang.

Fang stared at JillVAH!. "Um, hi?"

"OMG!" JillVAH! gasped. "HE TALKED TO ME!"

She promptly fainted.

Max, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel landed a few second later.

"OMG, Fang!" Nudge squeaked, sounding so much like JillVAH! it was just plain scary. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." he said, shaking his head in an attempt to unconfuse himself. "I'm fine..."

Max stared at JillVAH!.

"Why the craptastic are you almost-nearly making out with that chick from Jupiter, bitch?" Max demanded.

"I'm not!" Fang defended.

JillVAH!, who'd unfainted sometime, giggled and said, "Yeah you are!"

Max's eyes turned a color that was somewhere between psychedelic pink and lilac – the two colors she hated most, remember – and suddenly it was _really_ windy.

Like an abyss of certain destruction, Max slowly walked towards Fang. "I...can't...believe...you...!" she shouted into the wind, while the flock cowered behind the aforementioned lilac bush.

"This can't be good..." Ella – who'd magically appeared sometime a while back – muttered.

"You can say that again." Iggy agreed.

"That again!" Angel, Nudge, and Gazzy chorused.

Rolling his eyes, Iggy said, "Last time Max got _this _mad...the moon turned blue it was so scared."

Ella stared at him in confusing. "Wait, you mean there was a blue moon because Max turned into an abyss of certain destruction? Whaaaat?"

Iggy said something in reply, but Ella was no longer able to here him over the wind.

Max shouted at the very top of her lungs – so she could be heard of the wind, see, even though she was the one causing the wind - "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

While JillVAH! cowered in terror, and Fang tried to reason with Max – to no avail – Max pulled out a really sharp and shiny (ooh...shiny...) sword, and, in one smooth motion, chopped off JillVAH!'s head .

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHGAGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Max laughed triumphantly, proving once and for all that she was one of Lady Gaga's minions.

"Now you will never be able to make out with that bitch from Jupiter ever again!" Max said gleefully – or would it be squeefully?

And that was the end of Janessa Lilyanya Vanessa Ayala.

Good riddance.

**Whoa, that was random...**

**Okay, so I'm pretty sure I followed all of the guidelines. If not, someone tell me, and I shalt fix it.**

**And, just a random extra I thought up...**

Nudge pointed at Max's new eye color. Y'know, that weird eye color she got when she turned into an abyss of certain destruction? Yeah. That eye color. The one people only get once in a blue moon – so it's, like, rarer than purple.

"Using my awesomilistic fashion powers I got on Jupiter, I hereby name this color psychedelic lilac!"

Max frowned. "Blech. I hate psychedelic lilac almost as much as the Mystery Machine...it's a very craptastic color."

Nudge shrugged. "Well, you're stuck with it now. Unless you went to the Wonderful World of Wonder and Might – I bet you could get your eye color changed there."

Max blinked. "The Wonderful World of _what_?"

"Around here, we call it Candy Mountain."

"Okay then." Max said. "Hm...I must go to Candy Mountain, then!"

**I had much fun writing that. XD And writing the entire oneshot, too. Heh.**

**NOTE: For some reason, FF.N got rid of the ? when I put ! ? (without the space). So I had to put ? instead of ! ?. -_-**

**R&R?**


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